When we talk about shifting your mindset from fixed to growth, having unshakeable confidence in yourself is a vital tool. If you can learn to believe in yourself, anything is possible. We’re all taught that as kids, yet when we’re grown and actually have the control over our lives to make things happen, we doubt our abilities.
People with unshakeable confidence tend to exhibit 3 traits:
People who have unshakeable confidence manage their minds. What the hell does this mean? It’s about choosing your mindset at any given moment. Some reactions are based on pure instinct and emotion, and while you can’t immediately control those, you can control what you do going forward.
For example, let’s say you have your whole morning mapped out with a specific to-do list. It’s going to be the most productive morning ever so you can have an afternoon free. Then you get a call from your kid who has left their science project at home. They need you to deliver it to school. Your immediate reaction might be anger and frustration. It might be enough to ruin the rest of your morning, which is now off track because of the extra trip to the school. (We’ll talk about natural consequences and stuff for the kid later).
Rather than allow this interruption to ruin your best-laid plans, you can reframe it. By delivering the project, you’re saving your kid some stress and frustration which might make your afternoon go smoother than if they didn’t have their project. While dropping off the project, maybe you can use that time to run one of the errands on your list, so it’s not a totally wasted trip.
You just need to always ask yourself what will get you into the right frame of mind.
Confident people envision what they want their lives to be. They visualize their dream life, which helps to put things into perspective. That dream becomes the driving force behind the decisions you make.
Ask yourself – “What do I want my life to be like?” Then write down what that dream life is. Be as specific as possible and write it down. Every morning, take a few minutes to visualize that life and read over the list of ideas. Add to it if you want.
By starting your day by visualizing what you want in life, you will be adding to your confidence and informing yourself of your next steps to get closer to that life.
Others’ Opinions Don’t Matter
Confident people know that others will always judge them, but they don’t care. Having unshakeable confidence means that the opinions of those people who are judging you don’t have an impact on how you live your life. You set expectations for yourself and you don’t worry about the expectations of others.
Competition can be good and drive you to be better. If competition motivates you, go for it, but don’t let the others pull you down.
Work toward your goals, doing the best you can. This will help you feel proud of yourself and help build your confidence.
Steps to Building Unshakeable Confidence:
1. Step out of your comfort zone
Building confidence is hard. It requires you to do things that might be uncomfortable. You have to step out of your comfort zone and do things differently. If you do not act—be proactive—in order to reach your goals, you will become stagnate. Your life will feel like it’s going nowhere.
Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary because it involves taking risks. You don’t know how things will turn out. You might fail (*gasp*). But it’s not the end of the world. With every step – successful or not—you learn something. How you let failure affect you goes back to mindset.
In order to get out of your comfort zone, start with some super small goals. These are pieces of your larger goals but because they’re small, they’re not as scary. Once you start seeing success, stepping further out of your comfort zone gets easier.
2. Be Decisive
People with unshakeable confidence make decisions. They don’t overanalyze. They move quickly. There are a couple of reasons they are able to do this. The first is that they are willing to take risks (leave their comfort zone) and they control their mindset so failure isn’t a big deal. The other reason they can make decisions quickly is because they know what their end goal is. They see the big picture.
If you are able to define what you want, you’ll have your big picture. To develop that picture, start with your values. According to Tony Robbins, there are 2 types of values, both linked to the emotional state you desire: means values and ends values.
Means Values—These refer to ways you trigger the emotion you want. For example, money tends to be a means value because it gives you freedom and security (emotions you desire).
Ends Values—These refer to the emotions you are looking for. It’s where you want to get.
Think of the expression the ends justify the means. You use means to get what you want in the end. Often, however, people think the means values are the things they’re after when what they really want is the emotional payoff.
Knowing what you value makes decision-making easier. To define these values, think about what values you’d like to hone to get your dream life.
- What things matter in my life?
- Are there things in my life I don’t care about?
- When I have to make a tough decision, what values do I hold onto and which do I disregard?
- What values do I want to instill in my kids?
3. Embrace Change
We all that change is inevitable. We are not the same people were 5 years ago. However, many of us recoil from the idea of change. Change is scary. But remember, part of this process is to step out of your comfort zone. Mindset research shows that people with a growth mindset are more successful. They believe they can do whatever task they’re faced with.
You have to have a growth mindset in order to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself. Without change, you can’t grow and achieve. The first step in believing you can do this is to let go of the self-judgment. If you think you can’t do something because you haven’t been able to in the past, you won’t be able to. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
However, if you believe you can, that, too, will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4. Be Present
While we’re on the topic of mindset, being present is also important. Now, you might be thinking, “I’m not a time traveler. All I can do is be here in the present.” But we all know that’s not true. Many times, we’re having dinner with the family, but we’re busy thinking about the chores that still need to get done. Or we’re talking to a friend, but in the back of our minds, we’re running through the schedule for our afternoon.
In order to be present, you simply have to make the choice. Then, do a mental check-in. Am I focused on the person talking to me? Am I giving my family my full attention?
When you catch yourself, redirect your focus and attention. You’ll find that you feel better, notice more, and are more engaged with your life by being present.
Building up unshakeable confidence will give you the courage to really go after the things you want and you’ll find that you’re more successful. There are millions of people out there acting like experts in every field. They own their space. They have no doubts.
On your journey to improve your executive function skills, don’t let your past get in your way. So what if a planner has never worked before? Who cares that you’ve never been able to prioritize and manage your time? You can learn and you will be able to do it.
You just have to believe in yourself and be willing to do the work.