When Perfectionism Holds You Back: Why ‘Good Enough’ Is the Key to Progress

Perfectionism can feel like a badge of honor, but it’s often the thing holding you back. You might think aiming for “perfect” keeps your standards high, but in reality, it can trap you in a cycle of overthinking and self-doubt.

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For neurodivergent women, this pressure to get everything just right can feel overwhelming, leading to burnout and stalled progress. The truth is, waiting for perfection only delays your growth. Sometimes, “good enough” is more than enough to move forward, and that shift is what helps you achieve your goals.

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Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn't about setting high goals or taking pride in your work—it’s about an intense fear of even the smallest mistake. For neurodivergent women, the drive to meet impossible standards can feel especially relentless, fueled by a mix of internal and external pressures.

The Psychological Roots of Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t just a personality trait—it’s deeply rooted in psychology. For many neurodivergent women, it often stems from a mix of personal experiences and societal pressures.

• Fear of failure: You might feel like every mistake defines you. If you fail, it’s not just the task that’s a problem—it feels like proof that you’re not “enough.” This fear can become paralyzing, making it hard to start or finish tasks because the stakes feel impossibly high.

• Social expectations: Society often sends the message that women, especially neurodivergent ones, need to “prove” themselves. You might feel the pressure to appear competent, organized, and flawless just to match the baseline expectations of others. These pressures can push you to overcompensate, masking struggles or avoiding risks altogether.

• Black-and-white thinking: Neurodivergent people sometimes process things in absolutes, like “perfect” or “failure,” with little room in between. This rigid mindset can leave you stuck in a loop, obsessing over details and second-guessing yourself.

The need for perfection often feels like a protective barrier—a shield against criticism, judgment, or self-doubt. But that shield can quickly turn into a cage.

Perfectionism vs. Excellence

Here’s a distinction that might help: striving for excellence is productive; perfectionism is not. It can be hard to tell the difference, but understanding this is key to breaking free from the harmful perfectionist mindset.

When you strive for excellence, you focus on doing your best with what you have. It’s about growing, learning, and being okay with progress over time. Excellence allows for mistakes—it sees them as opportunities to improve. You’re building something meaningful, not obsessing over making it flawless from day one.

Perfectionism, on the other hand, thrives on fear. It makes you hesitate or procrastinate because you’re afraid of falling short. Instead of moving forward, you spiral into overthinking. Perfectionism tricks you into believing that if it’s not “perfect,” it’s worthless. But here’s the truth: perfection is an illusion. It doesn’t exist.

This isn't about lowering your standards. It’s about shifting your focus. When “good enough” becomes your goal, you’ll find that progress is much more achievable—and rewarding.

The Consequences of Perfectionism on Progress

Perfectionism makes you think you're working toward an ideal, but in reality, it drags you down, making every step feel heavier. For neurodivergent women, the stakes can feel even higher. Whether it’s work, relationships, or personal growth, perfectionism doesn’t promote progress—it stifles it.

Procrastination and Fear of Evaluation

Have you ever been so afraid of not meeting your own high standards that you just stopped before you even started? That’s procrastination, and it’s one of the most common side effects of perfectionism. The irony is, you might not feel “lazy” at all. Instead, you’re likely stuck in a loop of overthinking, convincing yourself you’re not ready yet.

This fear often stems from the thought that your work will be judged harshly. Whether it’s a project, an email, or even cleaning the house, the idea of doing something “wrong” becomes overwhelming. You think, “If I’m going to do this, it better be flawless.” But instead of motivating action, this mindset keeps you frozen.

Procrastination also disguises itself as preparation. Ever feel like you can’t start a task because you need to “research a little more” or “wait for the perfect time”? That’s fear talking. It tricks you into believing you’re being productive when really, you’re just stalling. Every second spent avoiding is progress lost.

Take a moment to ask yourself: is the fear of falling short worth giving up entirely? Because when you don’t give yourself a chance, you deny yourself the opportunity to grow or even succeed.

Burnout and Mental Health Issues

When you’re constantly chasing perfection, there’s no real finish line. That kind of relentless pressure can lead to burnout, and for neurodivergent women, this often compounds existing mental health challenges. You’re likely juggling societal expectations and internal standards that are not only exhausting but impossible to meet.

Think about it—when perfection becomes the goal, even small wins feel insignificant. You might tick off 95% of your to-do list, yet fixate on the 5% you didn’t get to. Over time, this mindset can snowball into chronic stress, anxiety, or depression. Your brain is wired to spot flaws, and instead of celebrating progress, you dwell on perceived failures. It’s an endless cycle of “not enough.”

Burnout isn't just about feeling tired. It’s also emotional exhaustion, a lack of motivation, and even physical symptoms like headaches or sleep issues. It’s your body and mind screaming for a break. But perfectionism doesn’t allow that, does it? There’s always one more tiny detail to perfect, one more round of fixing things before it’s “done.”

When perfectionism dictates your actions, it not only kills productivity but also takes a toll on your well-being. It’s like running on a treadmill that never turns off—you’re expending energy but never actually getting anywhere. And when you do eventually crash, it’s harder to pick yourself back up again.

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By now, you can probably see how perfectionism disguises itself as a motivator but leaves damage in its wake. The good news? You don’t have to stay in this cycle. Recognizing the consequences is the first step toward change.

Choosing ‘Good Enough' as a Strategy

When you’ve spent much of your life chasing perfection, the idea of accepting “good enough” can feel foreign—maybe even impossible. Choosing “good enough” isn’t about settling; it’s about freeing yourself to take action, make progress, and actually achieve your goals.

Setting Realistic Goals

Let’s be honest—how often do you set goals that feel more like a to-do list for a superhero? Maybe you think, “I’ll finish this project by tomorrow, organize the entire office, and meal prep for the week”—and then beat yourself up when it doesn’t all happen. Unrealistic expectations set you up for disappointment before you even begin.

Instead, try rethinking how you set your goals with a focus on what’s actually achievable. Not every goal needs to stretch you to the limit or cover every detail upfront. Start by asking yourself:

• What’s the minimum I need to accomplish to move forward?
• Is this timeline realistic, given my current energy and resources?
• Would “doing some of it” today still bring me closer to where I want to be?

Break your goals down into smaller, manageable chunks instead of tackling everything at once. For example, if you’re working on a big project, start by focusing on just one step, like brainstorming or gathering materials. Celebrate completing that step before worrying about the 27 others waiting in line.

Also, prioritize progress over perfection. Think about progress like climbing a staircase—it doesn’t matter how small the steps are, as long as you’re moving up. If your goal is a tidy house, for instance, just clean one shelf today. Progress isn't about doing it all; it’s about doing something.

When you set realistic goals, you give yourself something achievable to aim for. The satisfaction of hitting those smaller wins adds up, keeping you motivated, rather than paralyzed by everything you haven’t done.

Embracing Imperfection

Here’s a radical thought: no one cares about your mistakes as much as you do. Why are you holding yourself to a standard of flawlessness that even the most successful people don’t meet? Accepting imperfection doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re finally allowing yourself some space to breathe and grow.

Think about it this way—would you judge a friend for trying their best, even if they didn’t get it perfect? Probably not. So why is it okay to be so harsh on yourself? Self-compassion matters. When you stop expecting perfection from yourself, you allow room for learning, creativity, and growth.

Here are a few ways to start embracing your imperfections:

• Look at the bigger picture: Will one typo ruin your presentation? Will a messy corner in your house be remembered years from now? No? Then let it go.
• Give yourself permission to be human: People forget things, make mistakes, and get tired. You’re no different, and that’s okay.
• Reframe mistakes as lessons: Mess something up? Great! Now you’ve learned a way not to do it next time. Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re stepping stones.

Remember, imperfection is where life happens. It’s where personality, creativity, and innovation grow. Trying to be perfect is like airbrushing all the uniqueness out of your life—boring and exhausting.

Ultimately, giving yourself grace to be imperfect shows that you value yourself more than you value other people’s judgment. And when you start showing up authentically—with all your quirks and flaws—you’ll realize that “good enough” doesn’t just get the job done. It gets you closer to the person you really want to be.

Building Supportive Habits

When you’re stuck chasing perfection, it’s easy to feel like every move you make is under a microscope. You get so caught up in doing everything “right” that you forget to take care of yourself or think about why you’re chasing these impossible ideals. One way to break free? Start building habits that shift your focus from unattainable perfection to sustainable progress.

Mindfulness and Self-Reflection

Have you ever stopped to notice the running commentary in your own head? That inner voice that questions if something is “good enough” or picks apart your work before you’ve even finished it? The first step in changing those habits is recognizing when perfectionist tendencies are taking over—and mindfulness can help with that.

Mindfulness isn’t about sitting cross-legged and meditating for an hour. It’s simply about paying attention. Notice when your mind starts spiraling over details or replaying mistakes you made last week. Ask yourself: “Am I aiming for perfect, or am I doing my best with the time and energy I have?”

Here are a few ways to practice mindfulness and tune into your thought patterns:

• Pause and breathe. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe deeply a few times. This helps you clear your head and respond more calmly.
• Write it out. Keep a journal to track when perfectionistic thoughts pop up. Noticing patterns makes it easier to challenge them.
• Question your standards. Are you holding yourself to rules no one else even notices? What would you say to a friend in your shoes?

Self-reflection takes this one step further. Think about why you’re striving for perfection in the first place. Are you afraid of judgment? Are you tying your worth to how “flawless” you appear? Once you can name what’s driving those feelings, you can start to reframe the way you approach your goals.

Mindfulness and self-reflection won’t solve your struggles overnight, but they will give you tools to notice and address the patterns holding you back.

Creating a Support Network

It’s hard to challenge perfectionism if you’re surrounded by people who expect you to be flawless—or worse, people who make you feel guilty for not meeting unrealistic standards. One of the most powerful things you can do is build a support system of people who value effort, growth, and authenticity over impossible ideals.

Start by taking stock of the relationships in your life. Who makes you feel safe to be yourself, mistakes and all? These are the people who will cheer you on when you take risks or celebrate your progress when you’re too focused on the flaws.

Here are some tips for creating or strengthening your support network:

• Be honest about your struggles. Let trusted people in your life know that perfectionism is something you’re working on. They can remind you when your expectations for yourself are getting too high.
• Find like-minded communities. Whether it’s an online group or a local meetup, connecting with people who share similar experiences can validate your journey.
• Set boundaries. If there are people who constantly criticize or expect too much from you, it’s okay to limit your time with them. Protecting your mental well-being is not selfish—it’s necessary.

A good support network acts like a safety net. They remind you it’s okay to falter or take things one step at a time. Surround yourself with people who care about you, not just what you accomplish.

Perfectionism is holding you back. It convinces you that “not perfect” means “not enough,” leading to procrastination, burnout, and missed opportunities. But the truth is progress is what moves you forward, not the illusion of flawlessness.

By choosing “good enough,” you're giving yourself permission to grow and achieve. Ask yourself: what’s one small step you can take today, even if it’s not perfect?

Start there. Action beats overthinking every time. Progress isn’t flashy, but it turns intentions into accomplishments. And that’s how you truly move forward.